Junior-Senior Wars Canceled

Alfonso+Armadillo%E2%80%99s+destroyed+residence+post-war.+Golf+carts+were+trashed+as+well+as+trees.+Credit%3A+Bailey+Oetinger

Alfonso Armadillo’s destroyed residence post-war. Golf carts were trashed as well as trees. Credit: Bailey Oetinger

Alexandra Wiggins and Claire Mulkey

Every year, Roswell High School seniors look forward to April, when they get the chance to decorate juniors’ yards with toilet paper, ketchup, mustard, syrup, spoons, cheese, and even dead fish. This year, however, because of the juniors’ overwhelming fear of food and toiletry products, the Junior-Senior Wars have been canceled. 

 

After long discussions in administrative meetings, teachers, along with Dr. Shaw, have decided that the students have taken these “wars” too far. Parents last year started to intervene, sending various emails to the school complaining about the mustard ruining their freshly laid sod. 

 

Parents were even caught in the crossfire of these wars. Senior Barley Beenspan’s dad was walking out of his house to take out the trash around 11:30 p.m., when suddenly he got slapped in the face by a dead fish. Beenspan remembers, “Things escalated quickly. My dad was so angry, and said that the car that threw the fish speeded out of the neighborhood before he had time to call the police.” 

 

Teachers have noticed unrest in their classes due to the intense discussions of the wars. English teacher Mrs. Kouns says, “We couldn’t even discuss our latest poetry assignments due to the endless stories of car chases and wet toilet paper in the trees.” 

 

Not only do Junior-Senior Wars take place in the community, but there have also been incidences reported at the high school. Students have found ways to toilet paper the entrances and the trees surrounding Ray Manus stadium. Students also boldly squirted various condiments on their teachers’ windows. Government teacher Mrs. Bethune says, “I could barely walk into school without the fear of mustard squirts and rebellious children sprinting towards me with wads of toilet paper.

 

Junior-Senior Wars is a much-loved Roswell tradition, played for many decades by high school students. However, with the increase of helicopter parents, juniors’ food sensitivities, and reckless student behavior, the Junior-Senior Wars are canceled indefinitely.