End of the mullet epidemic

Mullets+have+been+deemed+too+distracting.+Instead+of+paying+attention+to+lectures+in+class%2C+students+have+been+too+busy+staring+at+the+horrendous+hairstyle.+Credit%3A+Gabby+Lerner

Mullets have been deemed too distracting. Instead of paying attention to lectures in class, students have been too busy staring at the horrendous hairstyle. Credit: Gabby Lerner

Gabby Lerner and Nicole Powichroski

Starting April 1, a new policy in the dress code will be enforced. This new rule will make mullets prohibited for all students and faculty members as it was deemed distracting.

 

This new policy at Roswell was petitioned by teachers, parents, and students after the varsity baseball team all got mullets. Complaints were quickly filed as students reported not being able to pay attention in class. 

 

Sophomore Gilberta Gilly expressed her complaints, “When I saw a bunch of boys in my class with the mullets, I was honestly repulsed. I could not stop staring at them and ended up getting sick. It was a horrible experience and I would not wish that on anyone.”

 

Junior Bill Flunk plans to appeal the rule, “I don’t understand why it is so distracting. It is the utmost popular and attractive hairstyles for men in 2022 right now. Paired with my cowboy boots and my massive truck there is nothing that can get in the way of me and achieve absolute peak attractiveness.”

 

Not only are mullets distracting for students learning but for teachers lessons as well. Language arts and yearbook teacher Ms. Goddard showed her appreciation for the new dress code, “I think this is a wonderful change in the dress code. Everyday I find my students can never focus on my lecture when individuals have mullets carved into their head. It is nauseating to see these teenage boys who think it is acceptable to style their hair in this particular manner. Their sheer ugliness is more distracting than women’s shoulders.”

 

The school board made this change to the dress code after a unanimous decision. As stated in the meeting, “There is no need for this horrendous hairstyle at school.” It was also stated, “We are concerned for the health and safety of our students and faculty members and this is the best decision for everyone.”

 

Students have until April 1st, 2022 to remove their mullets themselves. If a student fails to remove their mullet and meet the dress code requirement effectively after spring break schools will be required to provide their own “Mullet Removal Ceremony,” where a faculty member will shave the heads of disobedient students. 

 

Senior Doc Dershah explained his thoughts about the new rule, “This is incredibly outrageous. As a senior I find it absurd and unjust. I must remove my mullet simply because others find it a distraction. It’s impairing my personal rights.Those enforcing this new rule are simply scared of the power the beauty a muller holds to set trends around the school.”