Roswell High School Strives for a Coal Powered World


Photo by Denis Ilksoy

Denis Ilksoy

In recent years, companies and countries worldwide have solidified their push for a more environmentally friendly power source. Switching to renewable energy forms such as wind, hydroelectric, and solar power is the goal for many in hopes to combat climate change and an ever-worsening environment. With this movement of clean energy sweeping the planet, one school is taking big strides in terms of energy efficiency, but in the wrong way.


The Hornets have officially made a pledge to move the school onto a fully coal-powered system by the year 2023. With its 500 million dollar grant received from coal companies nationwide, Roswell High School is making the investment into its own mines, coal burning factories, and pipeline systems for dumping pollutants into the Chattahoochee River. 


Many are admiring the school’s noble decision to put its students first by making sure no power outages ever take place ever again. Despite its EnergyStar rating of F- and over 97% of the energy created supposedly going to waste, the administration says “our school will have the largest individual power grid in all of Metropolitan Atlanta and we couldn’t be prouder.”


What about the serious implications a plan like this would have on the environment? “No big deal” says Tesla CEO and secret fossil fuel fanatic Elon Musk. “Renewable energy is overrated anyways. In fact, Tesla would have been diesel-powered if I could find where I put my original plans.” A recent survey of the Roswell area locals shows that they wouldn’t really mind all the smog and pollution to be created in the area.


Administration says they won’t be content with the coal-chugging furnaces that will be installed over the coming years. They will be implementing a new set of gasoline powered surfaces that are sure to make a statement. The sun would be shining on Roswell High if only the sky was not blocked by glorious columns of smoke.


The only way to describe the actions to be taken by Roswell High School is nothing shy of ground breaking and ground will most certainly be broken to amass the fuel needed to bring fuel into Roswell’s new age.